


Cosas Desatendidas

by sonno a caccia (retronxnt)



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Cussing, F/M, Home, Interior Decorating, Mira going ham on the HOME IMPROVEMENT TIME lol, Obsession, Sappy, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-02-01 02:30:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21336469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retronxnt/pseuds/sonno%20a%20caccia
Summary: Mira (Elena Maria Álvarez) visits Jackal's (Ryad Ramírez Al-Hassar) apartment and decides to help him clean up, leading to the discovery of his obsession and comforting him.A bit sappy, some cussing.
Relationships: Elena "Mira" Maria Álvarez/Ryad "Jackal" Ramírez Al-Hassar
Kudos: 5





	Cosas Desatendidas

**Author's Note:**

> This was written to be platonic at first but then I just kept going like "lol nope". You could still interpret it as platonic or one-sided if you want.  
Used a prompt but I can't remember where it was from.

"Ugh, it tastes like sludge." She recoiled from her mug.  
"Yes, but it's caffeinated sludge." He raised his mug to take another sip.  
  
Elena gave the mug a disgusted look and raised it to Ryad's eye level.

"You live like this?" she asked, almost laughingly. Finishing his sip, he took a quick look around.

"Like what?"

She looked around again as well. The walls were blank and were crying for fresh paint, the coffee table they sat at was covered in boring magazines from at least six months ago, and she didn't even want to think about the coffee again.

"Like- like a broke college student, man! This," she lifted her mug towards him, "this is sad," she frowned. He stared at the mug she prodded towards him and shrugged.

"It's good enough for me," he said, downing the rest of the grainy, bitter paste he tried to pass off as 'coffee'. She shook her head and got up. 

Exploring from where she was, the apartment had only two main rooms: the one she was just in and what she assumed was his bedroom. The main living space had a small divider into a sort of kitchen, but with only a couple of appliances, it could hardly be called that. The longer she looked the more imperfections stood out to her- an odd place or two where the paint had been scraped off, what could only be a 'coffee' stain on the carpet here. She closed her eyes for a minute, trying to remind herself not to be judgemental. Not everyone had the money for extra paint or, well, even a couch it seemed, but she couldn't help but feel sorry for him at least. 

"Mind if I look around?" she belatedly asked.

"Go ahead," he said, half phasing out of the conversation.

She creaked open the door to the other room. It was his bedroom it seemed (the only furniture she could see being his bed, a table, and a dresser), and she noted another couple doors, likely leading to a bathroom and a closet. The essentials were there, but it felt like that was just it. The walls were just as drab with more suspicious chipped off paint. It looked like he never made his bed either.

She walked back to the table, crossed her arms on it, and rested her chin on them.

"Do you want help?" she asked softly.

"With?" he replied.

"With this thing you're trying to pass off as an apartment."

"What's wrong with-"  
"Don't act like you don't see the thirteen year old paint coming off. That has to be annoying."  
"Alright, sure, but it's fine. It's not like I spend that much time here anyway."  
"Have you considered it might help you sleep better if you just changed your sheets for once?"  
"Elena, please, I don't think I've slept any better in thirty years."

"Well have you tried it?"

She was staring at him intently, as he was just trying to stay conscious through their talk.

"... No, but why would-"

"Try it! I think if you changed your living a little bit it might help!"

"Who are you, Doc? Is this a prescription?-"

"It's an insistence. We're going shopping."

" _ Carajo _ \- please, no."  _ [Fuck] _

She already sprung up and grabbed his hand. He rolled his eyes dramatically and hauled himself up to go along with her. He fumbled with his keys to lock the door behind them.

"Just letting you know, I'm disoriented as shit today," he mumbled.

"Don't worry about it. I know just what you need."

"...Thanks."

⚞⚬⚬⚭⚬⚬⚟

Elena crouched by an expansive wall of paint color testers, examining similar ones carefully in her hands. She seemed to be in another world as she matched the small testers against one another and chose ones she thought he might like. Meanwhile, Ryad twitched as he uncomfortably leaned over the cart and watched her sort through seemingly endless rows of little paper colors, ones that meant just about nothing to him. He'd honestly just go for the first white on the shelf rather than have to wait half an hour for her to pick through every miniscule color of the rainbow. He didn't even know there could be this many shades of white- it's  _ white _ !

"This is ridiculous. What the fuck are you doing," he finally said, not even slightly desiring to wait long enough to see half an hour.

"Ah, shut up, this is important, trust me. If I don't pick the right shades, you'll just be in agony. Wall colors really do make a difference-"

"We're not electing legislators,  _ tía,  _ it's  _ paint _ ."

"Okay, okay, I'm almost done." She licked her lips as she made up her mind over the last couple testers. She neatly collected them in her hands and got up to walk over to him.

"Alright. I chose three combinations I think you'll like. Which one is the best?"

Like she said, she had three pairs of colors neatly sprawled out in her hands. They did match well and looked aesthetically pleasing, he admitted, but he wasn't anywhere near her level of ornamental expertise. To be fair, they all just seemed like really similar colors, and he was beginning to question if some of them were really just the same color after all. He sighed and leaned back.

"Elena, I really don't know. Which one do you like best?"

"Well, I want  _ you  _ to be happy with it, so if I choose, are you sure you'll like it?"

"I like all of them. You're the expert here," he replied a bit more softly. She hummed to herself and quickly chose between the trio of paper testers, moving to put the other colors back on the shelf.

"Then I think you'll love this one. The undertone is perfect with the lighting and I really think it'll help you out," she explained gleefully. Whatever that all means.

⚞⚬⚬⚭⚬⚬⚟

The two stopped along the way, much to Elena's insistence, to a couple different stores in an attempt to furnish the small and bleak apartment. She also demanded he try a different coffee brand, and he went along with it, only to really end up using it whenever she would came over, of course. He wasn't much for shopping when it came to anything really, so she mostly took the wheel. They arrived back at his building, grabbing some lunch to eat there as well. Resuming their seats at the coffee table, Elena gushed over the successful trip.

"Wasn't that fun? It's even better when we actually get to use everything!"

"If you say so," he chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"Have you ever tried redecorating before?"

"Maybe once… when me and Faisal used to live together…"

"Oh."

"No, it's okay. Heh, it's actually kind of funny to remember that time again… Yeah, we bought a paint can like a couple of clueless fools and tried fixing up our room. I think I remember he tried painting the roof too and ended up getting a glob of paint on his forehead. We had to wait several days for just one wall to dry and it smelled like the devil. We gave up after the one wall, but it was good enough for the two of us…" he reminisced. Her eyebrows pinched as she listened to him lovingly recall the story. 

"So it's really been that long?" she asked. He shrugged.

"What's the point? We're almost always at Rainbow headquarters. I'm seriously never home. I don't see the point in spending money on this silly space."

"I get that, I suppose. But wouldn't you want to make the amount of time you spend here special? HQ only has so much scenic area, and we obviously can't decorate too much. The few moments you actually get to spend here and you don't even enjoy the space?"

He pondered what she was trying to explain and started to see why she enjoyed all of this so much. She had a good point. Maybe things would be a little less miserable if it weren't so dull around here. He certainly didn't think it would be helping his insomnia anytime soon - nothing really did - but maybe he'd feel a little better about coming home. Home only ever seemed to remind him of what happened, of Faisal, and the growing pile of evidence that seemed to loom over him didn't help either. But there was no way in hell he'd begin to get rid of those things. It's all he really had.

Elena wiped her hands with a napkin, grabbed the to-go bag, and threw it in the trash bin in the pitiful kitchen. The clack of the bin lid snapped him out of thought. She picked up the bag of painting supplies and set it on the table.

"Okay. Ready to start?"

"Take the lead."

⚞⚬⚬⚭⚬⚬⚟

After a couple hours of chatter and painting, the living room of the apartment was successfully covered and colored. Admittedly, Ryad was actually finding it fun. Although he and Elena had been friends for some time, they really didn't get to talk this much that often, and although he despised talking for that long normally, it was honestly  _ pleasant  _ to just have friendly, engaging conversation. He got to learn more about her, too. 

She told him stories about a park that she grew up just next to in Madrid, and how her father would take her there for hours, just to be with each other. How she didn't have any brothers so she felt obligated to help out with her  _ papá _ 's business. How close she was to just her father. He wanted to sympathize, but he realized that she was long since over it, and that she didn't need any more sympathy. Inspiring.

Even after they were done painting that room, they just sat on the tarped floor and continued to talk and laugh for a while. Ryad wondered how a simple invitation to coffee turned into a day long home improvement adventure, but he didn't really care. It had been ages since he'd actually done something different than… not sleep, read, overthink, repeat. At first something nagged at him to decline her offer, that he could be spending good time continuing to investigate the murder, but he silenced that thought. He did something different, and he was glad. Were it anybody else, he would have easily said no and continued on with the boring cycle, but Elena felt a little different. Kinder than most, mature yet fun loving- no, it wasn't really her personality that encouraged his decision. Perhaps it was the fact that it  _ wasn't _ anybody else. Unlike anybody else, she tried. She tried, he had to give her credit for that.

Eventually they agreed to move on to his bedroom, slightly to his discontent. He wasn't the type to be easily embarrassed- some would probably get embarrassed over having guests in such a plain living space, but it didn't really bother him. What bothered him is that she would eventually find something of his brother he was holding on to. He didn't want to admit he wasn't letting go. At least not to anybody else. He made an effort to "clean up" and remove any articles he left lying around the main room, but he had to put them somewhere.

Upon opening the door, he actually felt somewhat alarmed to be greeted by the older color of the walls, and Elena felt the same. As she began tarping the carpet again she took a better look of the room than what she had before. Not many surprises, except a box behind the door.

"What's in there?" she asked, pointing to the brown shipping box. He directed his attention towards it and combed his fingers through his hair.

"Oh. I actually forgot about that." He went over and opened it, pulling out a glass candle and showing it to her, "Last February."

"You what?" she laughed, "That's been there for like, months, and you just forgot?" He laughed too, realizing how stupid it sounded.

"You shouldn't be surprised, Elena, I forget a lot of things," he put the glass back in the box. She jumped towards him.

"Don't just put it back, haha! Let's use them," she said between chuckles, bringing it back out and taking a smell. Lavender.

"Oh. Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

"Who gave them to you?"

"Per usual, I don't remember… and now I feel kind of shitty for not thinking about them."

"Aw, it's okay. I'm sure you thanked them at the time."

She dug through the box to find two other candles, most of the space filled by wrap to protect them. At the bottom of the box she smiled when she found an opened greeting card. She handed it to him and his face lit up.

"That'll probably help."  
"Oh, damn, yeah," he said as he read through it again, making a face Elena couldn't decipher, "It was Six. Back then, Six."

"Oh wow. That's a throwback."

"Yep…" he said, sadly, before shaking himself out of it. She assumed he missed Six, but that didn't seem to be the whole truth of his expression.

"You okay?" she cautiously asked.

He coughed. "Yeah. Just wistful."

"Did you know her well?"

"... Not really. Maybe that makes it worse," he said, staring at Six's delicate writing on the bright birthday-wishing card. He cleared his throat before continuing. "No, I didn't really know her that well. But she was the only one who remembered, after all."

Elena smacked herself in the forehead, realizing what the gifts were for. " _ ¡Mierda! [Shit!] _ Did I not send anything too?" she asked regretfully. He just shook his head.

"Fuuuck. Seriously, I am so, so sorry. I just- I mean, it's hard to remember when the day doesn't even happen--" she pleaded. He cut her off.

"Don't worry about it. Happens every single year. Used to it. I guess I was just sad that I didn't get to send her anything back, is all." She stared at him in awe.

"Every year?! That's not okay-"

" _ Relajarse. [Chill out.] _ Seriously, don't worry. Count all your doing for me right now as plenty of a gift. Thank you," he smiled and looked into her eyes. She still looked astonished and sorry. "Really. Come on, I'll feel bad for making you feel bad, let's just get on with it."

They started the painting again, and it didn't take long for their conversation to go back to normal. Elena tried again to apologize but he dismissed it. No point in holding other people's forgetfulness over them when you didn't announce it anyway, and when you forget almost everyone else's too. It did, privately, make him feel unwell, but he wouldn't be telling Elena that. He really didn't want to make her upset, she didn't do anything wrong to him. Hell, they weren't even really that good of friends back then. She was just too much of a kind heart to let it go.

After two walls and a half were done, it was already getting late. The time of day meant little to Ryad, as he spent most of the twenty-four hours awake anyway, but he could tell Elena was getting tired. He insisted on painting the two side rooms later himself, although she argued she should help. Just finish this room and let me worry about the rest, he assured her.

"Can I at least clean them a little?" she requested. He rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Just the bathroom," he complied as he sat against the unpainted wall. She reached for a door. "No, the other door-" he began, but she already had opened it. He began to panic a bit, "Don't pay attention to that, please-"

"Hey, it's okay, we all have skeletons in our closet. I don't know a single person who doesn't just collect stuff in their-" she stopped short upon seeing the 'stuff' he was collecting.

The closet was surprisingly large. His clothes hung somewhat neatly in her immediate view, to which he owned not much, but the typical items of a closet were not what caught her tounge tied. At the other end of the closet sat a disorganized jumble of countless papers, photos, and things etched in bright red marker. Several ancient newspapers, piles of various papers, wadded up balls of paper deemed unfavorable, were those cigarettes?- it looked infinite. To top it all off was a small cork board laiden with red pins and string, made to play a fucked up game of connect the dots. If she had thought Harry's board was a mess, this was certainly a catastrophe.

It didn't take her long to figure out what it was. Jesus Christ. She couldn't comprehend what all of the red scribblings meant, she couldn't comprehend his train of thought and connect the dots for herself. And she couldn't comprehend  _ why.  _ She knew that she and Ryad could get along knowing each other's only families had passed away, they've reminisced together before. But he always seemed so collected about it all. He never really was one to show much emotion, even over his brother, but when he spoke of Faisal he never shed a tear. Hardly a movement of his face. She herself didn't either, about her  _ papá _ , and she knew why for that. She let him go. Time she spends nostalgically is looked upon with grateful and joyful light. She remembers him, and she misses him, but she's put it behind herself and is thankful for the time she had. She was so sure Ryad felt the same way, based on their talks. He even agreed with her. She knew she said 'skeleton in the closet', but this..? What happened…

"Ryad…" she whispered as she turned to look at him. He wore a solemn expression, like that of a dog trying to pretend it didn't know what it had done. "How long has this gone on," she uttered, feeling a tear coming up in her eye.

"Day one," was all he could muster, indifferently.

"But you said… you agreed that- that you put him behind you. That it was okay now without him…"

"I lied."

"I, uh, I can see that."

"I'm sorry."

"What-"

"That I wasn't as strong as you thought I was. I should have let go. But, I can't…"

"Don't be sorry, this isn't your fault." She walked over to him and sat in front of him. A teardrop made it's way past her waterline and glistened on her cheek. 

"I- I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. In a sympathetic way. I can't begin to understand your pain."

"You don't have to. It's mine."

"There's nothing wrong with sharing it."

"You can't convince me of that now. It's been a private affair all this time. I may as well have forgotten about it."

"But you didn't, did you?"

"No. I haven't. I can't. It plagues me every day and every night. I continue to add something new every week that I can bear. I can't forget it even if I tried, even though I want to. I… I do want to. Not forget, just let it go. Like you have. You're so strong. You let go of him and you even remember him in good light. I don't know how you did it. I'm jealous."

"Ryad, please, we're not all the same. We're not the same person. What I've become is who I am, and the same for you. Please don't think of me as any stronger than you. You're not jealous. You're just in pain.

I've gotten my chances to share his story. I've told so many people about the great times I remember I shared with  _ papá _ . I let go because I gave it to other people. I let other people take a part of him that I don't have to bear with any longer. Ryad, you  _ never  _ tell. You've told just me about him. I'm one of so few who know that he even existed in your life. You can't let go because you haven't tried.

Your… case back there is just a physical manifestation of the pain you've carried all these years and it keeps building ever since. You don't need me to tell you you can't bring it to light now, you know the legal system better than I could learn in twice as long. It's okay to have a memorial to him. But you can't- you can't keep going on like this. You're not going on. You're just scraping by."

They stared at each other for a time. He felt horrible for letting her in on the mess he's created of himself, for letting her shed tears over him. How much more of a burden could he become? He couldn't even cry for himself anymore, it's been long since he has forgotten how to. She was just too much of a kind person that somehow wormed her way into his life. How did she get here? He felt he'd done nothing to deserve her. He was sorry, but she would never let him apologize. Why…

"Please… will you tell me? I can't let you keep carrying this by yourself. It's okay to let go... I love you too much to let you keep hurting."

Love… an untended concept in his mind. How she meant it, he didn't know, but he did know that she really was a friend. Maybe the first he's ever had in decades. Screw it, she's already seen the worst of it.

She leaned in to hug him, her warm face pressed into his neck, and her hands joined together in the crevice between his back and the wall. A hot tear touched into his shirt. He accepted this and gently folded his hands on her back as well. This was definitely the first in decades. It felt so inviting and strange.

They sat together and talked into the night. Talked about how he really felt, without hiding it. Admitted he still remembers all the details. Tried to explain how to connect the dots and tell her his theory about the murder. Admitted that he needed this so badly. He needed a friend. He needed her.

Eventually, she fell asleep, head accidentally lolled into his lap. He didn't mind it, and he couldn't blame her for not being able to hold out any longer. We weren't the same person. He was strong in different ways. He chose not to wake her up, hoping she would understand by the time morning came, and laid back gently as well. And then he must have fell asleep, if only for a couple hours. Yet it was the best sleep he'd ever had. No more terrible thoughts that resurfaced when the lights went out. No more deep seated feelings he had kept for ages. It had all faded away. What was left at the top of his brain?

Elena.

Yeah. That was more than fine by him.


End file.
